Saturday, December 7, 2013

A Gift of Words

We all have it... that moment when we question the validity and quality of the story we are writing. Will it ever be perfect? Will it ever get the attention we know it deserves? Will an agent ever give it, and me, a chance?

In my case, with a 2013 Pitchwars mentor fall in love with mine as much as the few others who have read it for me before I submitted it?

Even the mentors (read: Joy McCullough)  chirped on twitter about the normalcy of self-doubt and the little things that pull you back from the overwhelming "writerly" gloominess.

I was so there.  As I lay in bed last night, my last conscious thought was a prayer: God, please make it clear to me whether writing is really what I am supposed to be doing.

I awoke to a crazy morning full of mommy stuff to do: make breakfast, get out the door to run errands, and finally to have some adult time at my local MOPS group.  This particular day, the leadership were having a Christmas party and we were asked to bring ornaments for an exchange.

It was a frenzy of giddy woman racing for the tree dandy of their choice.  I sat there mostly under the same cloud from the night before, thoughts still lingering on Pitchwars and my unfinished NANO novel, which I have nearly given up on. (After an amazing 50k accomplishment? What was wrong with me?)  I was one of the last to pick an ornament, so I had the pick of the pack.  The only ornament that had caught my attention was a simple glittering snowball I had seen from afar.  But I figured what the heck.

I traded a snowman bulb for the beautiful green box I knew the snowball was snuggled into.  When I opened it to see it up close, I realized that it was not only homemade, but it was from pages of a book, a gift of words covered in glitter and made in love.  I stared at it a moment, utter shock written all over my face, until I realized that this was the small thing Joy McCullough had spoken about.  My confirmation topped with a loopy, hemp bow.

This picture doesn't do the sparkles justice.

And I whispered a prayer of thanks.

Writing's what I am meant to do.  And short of God, there is nothing that will stop me from living my dream.

1 comment:

  1. You definitely got your answer. What a cool story.

    That doubt is a sucky thing. And I'm surprised often at how published authors still doubt their writing and worry about future books. Even ones considered successful. So I think the thing is, don't ever let that doubt stop you. Keep working hard and you'll get there. Maybe not in your preferred time frame, but eventually.