A Haunting Character

MOON DAUGHTER RISING was my baby, my first novel, the one I placed on a pedestal, convinced that it had a place on bookstore shelves and in the arms of middle graders.  But after a disheartening string of rejections and several of the writing industry bloggers I read mentioning that it was okay to do so, I decided to shelf Annalee and move on to my next novel.

But Annalee is a haunting character.  I found myself thinking about her adventure as I cleaned dishes and brushed my teeth.  I laid awake at night reliving her story and feeling her emotions.  I knew that the beginning needed help if I was to ever get an agent to read the whole manuscript.

This morning I woke up knowing how to fix it.  So I did.

May 1st, Brenda Drake is hosting another writing contest called The Writer's Voice.  This time rather than being pulled out of the slush pile, it is by a random lottery draw and conducted on blogs.

My manuscript is finished, and the first chapter rewrite is waiting in my critique partner's inbox.

Perhaps MOON DAUGHTER RISING is not retired yet.

Here's a little taste of the rewrite. What do you think? Would you read more of the story based on this?

Chapter 1

The dark forest outside Annalee’s new home felt dead.  The eerie quietness made it feel as dead as the police claimed her father must be since he hadn’t returned from it.  Annalee laid awake fiddling with her long, black hair and wondering if she would ever see him again. How could a twelve year old get through high school, go on living really, without her dad?  Especially here, in the cabin her grandfather had built and her dad had grown up in?  It hurt too much.

An unearthly howl cut through the silence, followed by a thump, thump much closer. It made goose bumps ran up her arms. It shrilled once more, then thump, thump, thump, thump, thump. Too scared to leave the safety of her bed, Annalee huddled under the covers, hoping that the nightmare would stop.