Two Firsts (Part 1) - First Live Pitch to an Editor

I just got back from an invigorating experience at the Idaho Writers League (IWL) 2017 annual conference. This year it was held in Pocatello, which really isn't a big, exciting city. In true Emily fashion, I made the most of it.

Our Travelodge was lackluster, but I only needed to shower and sleep in my room. The true gems of this place were the comfy chairs in the lobby and the bar with live music on Friday and Saturday nights. The first night was all Smirnoff and southern rock, and it was pretty much our small group of older white folk playing pool and dancing until eleven o'clock.

The second night, we were outnumbered in a sea of culture. A better known group speaking rapid Spanish and serenading couples with a saxophone put some mariachi rock out there. The dance floor was packed. I nursed wine that night, and was dubbed the pool shark. The name was hilarious since the seven games in a row that I won were accomplished through no fault of my own. My opponents kept following the eight ball with the cue ball into a pocket.

You didn't come to this post to read about the fun, but its important to remember the details when you journal, or so the Gary Eckhart said in his talk on journaling. I think its time I start treating this blog like one and see what happens.

Speakers at the conference!

I spent almost as much time learning about Idaho Magazine, writing fantasy, and book marketing as I did running around and accomplishing some of my IWL duties as state treasurer and Coeur d'Alene Chapter president. Checks needed written, votes needed cast for big changes, and I needed to meet a lot of people. It's amazing how writing can forge friendships.

Why would I drive eight hours just to go to a conference? Well, I am a leader, and I really really really enjoyed the carpooling with friends and the free writing time. (Seriously, I haven't written that much in one day in over a year, and I got to do it twice in four days!). The biggest reason in my mind was pitching to a publisher.

My three carpooling buddies Kathleen, Bill, and Jeremy!

Some of you know that I've had an agent for nearly two years now, and in that time I've written five novels, half a dozen picture books, and countless queries (my own and some of yours, too!). Small submission batches for the BIG publishers had already gone out via my agent, with some returning quickly and some not yet responding. When I saw the conference speaker bios and that I could pay for a 15-minute session, I had to check out the publisher.

I couldn't believe it. TWO of my books would fit right into their list. MOON DAUGHTER RISING was a middle grade fantasy with dark and family-based themes. They had also recently published some middle grade contemporary novels and had another one releasing, so ROWDY DAYS OF DOM SANDERS was another contender. This was my chance.

Twitter stalking was impossible, as the editor that was taking the pitches keeps a low profile on social media. I did check out their authors, excitement flaring at the pictures of book signings and readings plastered on their social media. That could be me!

My slot was scheduled about 11:00am when sweet Alice Dun of Pocatello chapter came with a slip of paper with 15 minute intervals in a list.

"How about 10 minutes from now?" she asked.

I quivered. I wasn't ready yet. I needed to go to my hotel room and talk myself straight. I asked her if I could have 45 minutes and she switched with me. I hugged her and rushed to my room.

Then I went back over my pitch and bio, as well as the blurb my agent told me to include with her take on the manuscript. I'd spent the last four weeks polishing it in case the editor wanted it next day. Those stories had been repeated to me by just about everyone I'd encountered and all our chapter members the week before at one of our meetings. I gathered my business card, my agent's business card, and the printed first chapter of the manuscript into a folder and pinned it all together with a paperclip. Deep breaths, ready. Not ready. No, no, I was ready.

I walked down the hotel hall with confidence, rocking my power outfit and heels. Preparation was my middle name. I had this.

I reached the coffee pot where it was far enough away to not intrude on the pitch in session, but close enough that they knew I was there and waiting. I was excited for my friend currently sitting with the editor, but he went way past his 15 minutes. I said a prayer and tried to hold still. A few friends walked through the lobby and into the presentations going on, each stopping to chat for a minute. They each calmed my nerves (thanks Lila, Jeremy, Larry, and Richard!).

Playing with the Conference props. Theme: Rendezvous

My turn! The editor (who must not be named) invited me to sit, and I perched myself on the edge of the plush, red wing-backed chair.

Make eye contact, speak slow. I reminded myself.

I was vulnerable. I told her that it was my first pitch session but that I was excited to meet her. I asked if she'd like to hear more about me or my pitch first. She asked for the pitch. So I took a breath and managed to get the pitch out, including word count, comparison titles, and my agent's words of praise. Then I told her how I decided to pitch to her because I felt my books would fit right onto her list.

She asked questions. I responded. We joked like old friends. She complimented me, asked about my contemporary novel ROWDY DAYS OF DOM SANDERS, and seemed interested. I gave her the folder. Then she complimented me on my pitch, preparation, and said I did great.

THEN SHE SAID SHE WANTED A FULL MANUSCRIPT  WITHIN TWO WEEKS AND SAID SHE'D BE CALLING MY AGENT!!!!!

via GIPHY

Guys, GUYS, this is what dreams are made of. I shook her hand and practically skipped back through the lobby. The rest of the weekend, my friends laughed at my dream face, like....

via GIPHY

Jeremy even insisted on calling the chair I sat in during the pitch my throne, and made me blush more then once talking about what happened.

This could be it! I had to chronicle the experience.

So I've been doing another sweep through the manuscript and just sent it to my agent and a few critique partners for final read-throughs. Part two comes from one of these read-throughs, so if you haven't followed my blog yet, please do! You won't want to miss it! 

Hint: I've always dreamed of seeing a child read my book....

Rewriting the First Chapter: Putting it back together with purpose

If you're actively using online resources within the publishing industry (you are researching so you can learn, aren't you?) then you may have heard that rewriting the first page is not only recommended, but also necessary for your novel or project to come to fruition. I've decided to do a mini series on the steps of rewriting any novel's beginning. Part 1 discussed how to know if you need to rewrite your manuscript's beginning and last week (Part 2) I helped you figure out what to keep from your original beginning and what else your rewrite might need.

Today we're putting it all back together, like a well-crafted Frankenstein. (Okay, bad analogy, but you know what I mean.)


At this point, you've figured out what you need and if what you think were the best parts of your beginning should stay. Then its time to brainstorm how best to implement them. This is a great time to put your main character through some exercises if you are into that sort of thing. Think about how he or she will react to certain changes, write them into a corner and see what they do. Or just take a few steps back and get creativity flowing to figure out your best rewriting plan.

For me, it was a combination of brainstorming and talking it out with a great writer friend. (Thanks Shari!) After a great afternoon of story idea swapping and chatting and typing with some soup and coffee, she helped me realize that Dom just needed to come more alive and meet his nemisis sooner.

It took me about two weeks to rewrite the first chapter. Actually, it was combining my first and third chapters, working family intros into chapter two, and segwaying smoothly into my new chapter three. I thought long and hard about that first line, and as soon as I wrote it, I knew it was perfect. I made sure every sentence had a purpose, a part to play in each of the ten things I mentioned in part 2 of this series: initial surface problem, inciting incident, story worthy problem, character intros, setting, back story, language, foreshadowing, and setting.

I won a critique from a published author's blog and sent her the new first chapter. She helped me fine tune it, and then I gave it to a few CPs, the two that already LOVED Dom (and when I say loved, it was like fangirling and those moments when I wished they were agents.) With their thumbs-up, I sent the manuscript (that I'd already pimped to nearly every major agency) out to a few more on my dwindling list. 

The changes I made garnered two quick full manuscript requests in February, and landed me my awesome agent Jessica Schmeidler just last week on March 18th. (Emotional can't-believe-it post and shameless plug for her here) . Here's the first chapter. Let me know what you think in the comments below:

I snuck in the front door of our new house with a gopher snake dangling in my hand. Pops had to be in there somewhere. Searching between shafts of July sun from the holes in the ceiling, I found him hunched over a map on the kitchen table. 

"What are you doing?" I asked, thinking eagerly of treasure hunts and hunting trips. I slipped the snake into the pocket of my sweatshirt. He’d come in handy later.

"Well, Ol' Red is nearly out of gas, Son. And Mom don't get paid ‘til Monday. But I’ve got an idea." He pointed to the map. "When we go through town and ‘round to the mill, it's fifteen miles. But look."

He dragged his bony finger down the blue-inked lines of the creek, around the mill and South. Then he stopped, pointing to our property.

"If we drive through the creek..." I started.

"It's only ‘bout two miles," he finished.

"Will we make it?" Visions of white water rapids rushed around my mind.

"Should. Gotta avoid any deep spots. Mom’s off here soon. Load Rosie up and we’ll go get her."

It's not every day I got to ride up a creek in a truck, but even my excitement dimmed. Pop's wild ideas never panned out. The thumb stump on his left hand proved it.

My terrier Rosie’s blonde tail wagged as I lifted her up, and then she sniffed my pocket. The snake shifted as I pushed her aside and climbed into the cab.

Pop crept Ol’ Red around the hunched house and slumping shed. We’d only spent a night there, and already it felt like home. My brother Reed pumped his fist the night before when he turned the shower lever and nothing came out. Pop warned us that we had a busy summer ahead fixing things up, but I didn’t mind.

Even as Ol’ Red crawled slowly down the slope between the fields, I noticed something else that needed mending. The single-wire fence hung lifeless to the ground. We’d have to fix that when I got my horse. The truck tires bounced over gopher holes and upturned rocks, and the seat squeaked as it tossed us around. I kept my hand in my pocket, keeping track of my stowaway. Maybe I could sneak it onto the seat before Mom hopped in. I smirked. She’d be so freaked out. Gopher snakes look enough like rattlers to scare anyone who can't see the difference right away.

We stopped at the creek bank and got out to examine the depth of the water.

"I think we’re good. It stays shallow for a ways," Pop assured no one in particular.

"Yeah," I reluctantly agreed.

We climbed back onto the red bench seat. I made a show of snapping my seatbelt together and pulling Rosie into a protective hug. Pop grinned at me, double-checked our location on the map, and then waved it in the air like Charlie with Willy Wonka's golden ticket. I just laughed at him.

I held my breath as we eased upstream. A ways up, the front tires slipped. Dad shifted into reverse and circled around a big rock. I gazed out the window at the rising water, showing our progress. Pop did a great job of avoiding any major road blocks and keeping calm. I stroked a panting Rosie with one hand and the scales of the snake with the other. Eventually, I rolled the window down for all of us, and took in the view of the woods beyond our property.

Pop noticed my interest. "Lotta that land is a federal preserve. You guys can play up there, but be respectful of it."

"Yes, Sir."

Before I could say more, my feet felt wet. Pop detected it too, and we both panicked. Creek water was seeping under the truck doors. I pushed Rosie onto the bench beside me and clasped my knees to my chest.

"Uh, uh, uh, what do we do?" I asked.

"Well, we can't go back," Pop glanced at the map. "We’re ‘bout there. It should be right ‘round that bend. Hang tight."

The water started filling the floor board inch by inch. The movie Titanic we watched last year flashed in my mind. I imagined breathing the last bit of air in the cab just like Jack and his sweetheart did at the locked passage gate. At my funeral Papa Kyle would say, "Twelve was too young for Dom to leave this earth. Yet he loved his mom so much he died trying to pick her up from work."

Finally, the green tin roof of the mill came into view. Pop pulled up the embankment and parked on the side of the building by the office porch. When he opened the door, several gallons of liquid gushed out with him. Relief escaped my chest with a sigh. I rolled the window most of the way up and followed him, shutting Rosie inside. I patted my pocket to make sure the snake was there, and decided to stay close to the truck to beat mom back and pull my prank.

The menacing bark of a black-faced Rottweiler startled me. I made a face at her, egging her on. She barked even more. Who’d left her chained out here in the hot sun? I made a wide arc around her, searching for her owner, teasing her all the while. 

Someone had their back to me at the shop door. His husky voice snared into a phone, “I’ll deliver the goods tomorrow. Tell Rook to make the distraction happen.” The man slammed the phone back on its wall bracket and spun.

"Shut up, you stupid— Hey! Boy, what are you doing?” China Jin hollered. He skipped a step to the ground and marched toward me. Sharp eyes shot through black, greasy bangs, but a smirk lifted his thin mustache. "You keep taunting Missy, I'll let her off that chain and see how fast you can run." 

He was trying to scare me.

It was working.

Rosie howled like a hound dog and scratched the glass, not liking how close the stranger stood to me. I shushed her over my shoulder while scooting around Ol’ Red’s front bumper. My sweatshirt caught on it and fell off my waist. I didn’t stop to grab it. My parents came out of the office to see what the commotion was about.

"China Jin just told me he was gonna sick his dog on me!" I shouted to them, turning to point at him. But he and the dog had disappeared.

Mom shepherded us back to our ride. "You just leave that man alone. He works hard, but there’s something about him I just don't like."

I scooped my sweatshirt off the ground and searched its pockets. Just like China Jin, the snake was gone.

---

The bottom line? Sometimes you have to do what you know is best for the manuscript. Just slice, dice, and toss that beginning until it is worthy of the publication table!

Thanks for reading this week! Next week, I'm diving back into freelancing topics with a special guest and another mini series, this time on Ghostwriting. Don't miss it!

Rewriting The First Chapter: Mining Your Current Beginning For Gems

If you're actively using online resources within the publishing industry (you are researching so you can learn, aren't you?) then you may have heard that rewriting the first page is not only recommended, but also necessary for your novel or project to come to fruition. I've decided to do a mini series on the steps of rewriting any novel's beginning. Last week, I wrote a post on How to Know If You Need To rewrite your opening line, paragraph, scene or chapter.

Today, we're going to focus on the chapter you already wrote and which parts or intentions should get tossed or be recycled when you rewrite. I'm going to use my novel ROWDY DAYS OF DOM SANDERS as an example for you. Let's look as some questions you can ask yourself to figure out exactly how you should rewrite and what you originally did right (sort of.)

What did you love about it?

It's important to reread and remind yourself what you loved about your original chapter. Is it the voice? The character introduction? Or maybe its the way you worked in the setting.

For me and DOM, my love of my initial first chapter was based on showing Dom's trickster qualities, and reflecting the opening chapter of its inspirational book. (Dom is a Tom Sawyer Retelling.) I wanted to echo the opening of Tom Sawyer by having an adult looking for him and having him come out of hiding. I also needed to establish who his family and pet dog was, that they were poor and living in a new house that needed a lot of work, and that Dom really wanted a horse. My first chapter did that.

What may be hindering it?

This may be a harder thing to figure out on your own. Trusted Critique Partners or even beta readers may be able to shed some light on what's missing or if you are starting the story in the wrong place.

I'd had dozens of feedback and CP input on Dom, and many people loved its opening. But I had read on several agent blogs and heard agents as conferences mention that new houses, schools, and new kid in town could be tropes to avoid in the opening. I felt that Dom's was unique, but still worried about how it was coming across to professionals.

My other concern that one CP brought up was that my antagonist wasn't mentioned until chapter three. That seems too long to her, so she suggestioned cutting the first two chapters and starting there. While the idea was heart wrenching and exciting all at once, I just couldn't do it. Chapter two had a few key things that needed to be established for the rest of the novel. I couldn't think of a way to get that important info in another way I hadn't already tried.

Is anything else needed in the first line/scene/chapter?

Now you know what to keep and what to get rid of. But what else do you need? According to Les Edgerton, there are ten elements that should be considered. The first four are vital, the last six are things to consider.

1. Inciting incident: what happens that brings forth the buried problem that pushes plot forward
2. Story-worthy problem: that buried problem throughout the plot
3. Initial surface problem: propels protagonist to action (or none-action), makes main character make a decision.
4. Set up: only give what’s necessary for reader to understand next scene.
5. Back story: dole out bit by bit.
6. and 7. Opening line/Language: Reduce adverbs and adjectives. Each adjective diminishes first line by 10%. Avoid forms of “to be”. Reduce redundancy such as “ran quickly.” Avoid invisible words such as “beautiful” that dilute prose; the reader will skip over them anyways. Use these suggestions throughout manuscript, too!
7. Character intro: pick telling detail and let reader fill in the rest as they get to know them in the manuscript. “ Also, don’t flood beginning with too many characters!
8. Setting: the setting sprinkled in the opening should only help reader understand the time period, culture, or society of the story. 
9. Foreshadowing: hint at action and/or obstacles throughout manuscript. More necessary for some genres than others. Thrillers and mysteries benefit from it.

For Dom, I was missing some foreshadowing via a bad guy, and a pull back of back story. I also needed to make it more exciting to grab some serious reader/agent attention.

Next week, I'll help you with the actual rewriting and give you an example from Dom to finish off this series!

What do you love about your current WIPs beginning? What do you think you need to change? Please tell me in the comments below!