Letter to My Future Self
When are you reading this letter, I wonder? I can’t see you from where I sit. Is it a few years from now, on a milestone birthday, as you sit and reflect on your life? Or well into your dotage, when the physical world is smaller and harder to navigate, even as your mind stretches to cover great distances through time and memory.
What will you say to me, I wonder? Will you tell me I was right to be scared of life? That the world, in its hubris, succeeded in destroying empathy and compassion? That the noble concept of community, where we all accepted each other with our flaws and foibles, dwindled as the lights were turned out on us all? Every one of us living only for ourselves? Will I still feel alone, often lonely, always awkward and suffocated, sitting uncomfortably drenched in unspent potential? Did potential even exist for me or was it a dream?
Or will you tell me I was right to expect kindness, of myself and of others? That the journey was leading somewhere, that fate was guiding me carefully towards my destination. That my efforts to create intelligent, meaningful connections paid off. That I found love and love found me, in a million different ways, shapes and forms. That peace descended over life so completely that the unforgiving boredom of routine, the frustrations of work, and the mercurial moods of life’s companions never wholly succeeded in weakening my spirit or resolve. That I was able to see beyond the nonsense of daily existence, not assimilated into a culture of discontent and cynicism, but rather that I was right in trusting in life, in believing the universe to be open, benevolent and giving.
Will you laugh at my fear, I wonder? Not mirthless schadenfreude, but a gentle laugh, a knowing laugh, an acknowledgement of my irrepressible mind? A caring laugh partnered with a quiet whisper reaching back over the years, comforting me, willing me to have faith in the fact that simply by being here, I am enough. That I created myriad opportunities to bless and be blessed. That I made a difference, significant and not, simply by existing. That each breath I took meant something to someone beyond myself. That my being able to draw breath actually began to hold meaning for me.
Will you tell me to be healthier? To protect my physicality from the toll of all those childhood falls? Will you caution me to keep my heart strong and my mind stronger? Will you ask me to pay more attention, be present for myself?Will you cry for me, knowing I have not seen what is to come? Will you advise me to stand still, not venture forward, take another path? What regrets will you hold for me, what wisdom will you impart? Will you tell me to be more outspoken, more brave, take more risks? Or will you tell me to simply let go, accept that everything is unfolding just as it needs to. That life is simply life. That I am simply me. That everything contained within simply is.
Will you chastise me for worrying so much? Will you shake your head at my timidity? Perhaps feel a swell of anger at the time I wasted in useless contemplation? Will you pick up on my missteps and mistakes, cursing me for not believing in myself? Or will you be kind to me – your younger self – understanding, forgiving and patient. Will you know this was the only journey I could take? The only way to reach you?
Will you tell me I found happiness? That happiness is truly possible? Or will you tell me it is enough to settle into a comfortable contentment? Will you share that living moment to moment is all that is required to complete a life or enrich a soul? Will we reach the end of our life ready to leave? Will it be easy for us to draw our last breath?
Upcoming Letters From the Heart Blog Hop Schedule:When are you reading this letter, I wonder? What words do you have for me? I just can’t see you from where I sit.
November 6th - zarahoffman.com/blog
November 20th - daryawrites.com
December 4th - fraudrk.wordpress.com
December 18th - zjsunflowersbooksandcrafts.blogspot.co.uk
Check out more at heartshapedletters.wordpress.com, or to contribute an anonymous letter, contact G.K. Sihat at email@example.com.
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